50 shades of emotions

I think I love you
I think I don't.
I feel I don't
I feel I should..

Hurt me baby!
Leave me strangled.
Hate me baby!
Leave me shattered.

Maybe then, I'd learn
learn that I love you.
Maybe then, I'd feel
I'd loved you all along!

I don't feel anything..
right now, its a blank canvas
these invisible inks
Reveal sometimes-
 Red like my personality.
 Blue like my chill.
 Yellow like my loneliness.
 Black like my ego.
 White like my soft spot.
 Purple like my sex drive.
 Orange like my comfort.
 Grey like my sadness.

Its hard-
Hard to keep track of these colors.
Hard to figure out,
to find a way to control
the way they reveal.
To tame them,
to have them as I wish to.

'cause trust me
Its difficult
feeling grey when I should be orange.
Feeling red when I want blue
Feeling purple when I'm yellow.
I know,
Its supposed to be this way.
But once.
Just once.
Can't I choose the colors for my canvas?
Can't I paint the colors I feel?

The Leap

She leaps forward,
her hands run
through this nothingness..

This freedom she wanted
was there, right there.
In front of her.
She was living her dream
Only to find,
being trapped was her freedom.
Her dreams were a lie!

The past
that bothered her so much,
suddenly seemed beautiful.
This new world
that she wanted to explore
seemed confining!
Those narrow passages suddenly seemed wide enough-
wide enough for her.
She wanted nothing more.

Right there!
Then and there!
She knew what she wanted..
No! It was nothing NEW.
All she ever wanted was a realization
-Realization that her life was already perfect.
She was seeking the impossible,
She was seeking more than perfect.

..but may be..
may be she was going through this all
'cause she could never believe that
She could find perfection in the very first step
'cause may be
She never thought she was lucky enough
-to never have to feel heart break.
In her twisted logic,
she was fascinated
-by sadness!
She craved imperfection
She craved complication!

She wasn't made for the cliche
She hated straight or simple
-She thought
and yet..
She seeked comfort
in the Easy!
She relied on comfort
and complained..
Her life wasn't good enough!
all that she ever did
Was complain!